This is the hard part of blogging to an unknown amount of people, confessing your slip-ups. Last week couldn’t have gotten much worse when it came to eating healthy and being active. Not only did I skip exercise from Thursday on, but I also ate anything and everything I came across for four days. When I say anything I mean it! Here we go… kettle corn, whopper, fries, frozen pizza, delivery pizza, ice cream, cookies, chocolate, mozzarella sticks, raisinettes, and LOTS of Pina Coladas. Not only did I make these bad choices, but I also ate an abundance of them.
From Thursday on I lost all hope in myself. I kept thinking that I will probably always be this way and even if I work really hard to take this weight off I will probably die the day I get to my goal weight anyways! I am the type of person that can really have high hopes and encouragement for other people, but I can rarely find any worth in myself. Since I knew I was getting into a depressive low, I kept praying to God to help me become motivated again and not lose what I already worked so hard for.
The problem is that when I have royally screwed up and have started binging again I can never, and have never, gotten back on track. I lose whatever it is that I fight with when I have urges or that tells me I can get through this. I honestly thought that I had already lost it completely, and if it wasn’t for the people I attend my meetings with I wouldn’t have even bothered going.
Luckily, when I went to the meeting I ended up losing 1lb anyway. Not what my goal was, but I honestly thought I had gained back at least 5lbs. Thank God I Went, because when I woke up Tuesday morning I was ready to exercise and eat right and have faith in everything again. This would be the first time I have ever been so far off track and then gotten back on. This is a personal achievement that means a lot to me. However, if I wouldn’t have lost the pound I am not sure if I would have gotten back on. I suppose it was my own little mini miracle.
I don’t have any firm goals this week. I want to re-train myself turn to other healthy food items when I am breaking down. I’m just happy that I found motivation again and I don’t want to be too hard on myself.
Until next week…
Jamie Lee :0)
Week 5 (10/25/10)
Weigh-in: 346.2 lbs
Loss of: 1 lb
Total Loss: 11 lbs